I couldn't believe now I'm in Malayisa, studying here, leaving all my life back there.
I couldn't believe I decided to live here, alone.
I couldn't believe I almost done my degree.
I couldn't believe it's been 3 years and I still cannot find the answer why God sent me here.
Why?
Why?
Why?
always big WHY with question mark.
But none answer.
3 years I've been thinking maybe this is the best thing for me.
Because I knew i was praying in my bed, every night, a week before my flight here.
I thought this is the best thing for me.
But..
Why is Malaysia?
Why is not Australia?Why is not America?
Why is not Indonesia?Why is not Jakarta?
I must admit, 3 years in Malaysia, been really good for me, good as in experience.
I got so many experience here, i get to know people from all over Indonesia, start from Aceh, until Irian Jaya. I also get to know people from all over the world, Asian to African people.
But again,
it's not the happiness.
I feel lonely. I feel empty.
Why do I study in Malacca? Why is not KL?
maybe it's better if I live in KL.
In the night, when i flashback in time, it's like I'm living backwards.
I supposed to be prettier, but i am not.
I supposed to be more confident, but seems like i lose my confident since I cannot get along with all people here.
It's feels like, when I'm in Jakarta, i have no problem with friendship, new people, new environment, entertainment world, et cetera.
But in here, I feel my self pathetic. Living in reverse.
Now, i miss my friend.
There is no such good friend here.
All competitor, all seems like my rival in here.
Now, i face one new problem.
Do i have to go back to Jakarta or stay here?
I really really wanna go back home and do my internship in Jakarta so that I can meet my friend, having a good time again, and having my teenage time.
But if I do that, it's like I waste all the last 3 years here.
This supposed to be my chance to success, doing internship in Malaysia and get a job in Malaysia. Get all the experience of working world in overseas.
But i can't stand it anymore here.
What should I do then?
Do I have to follow my heart.
or let the logic wins?
♥our lips must always be sealed
3:02 AM
i have deactivated my facebook account for some reasons. Okay, maybe just one main reason which is THESIS a.k.a FINAL YEAR PROJECT. Yeah and i decided to deactivate my facebook account at April 3th. It's 2 days ago and now im feeling like reactivate my account back :(
But no i won't because for me, facebook is a distraction. You know when you are doing a work then a notification showed up and you just want to check it even it's just someone who likes your photo's or status. But it will waste a lot of time after you open it. Im the kind of person who always turn on my laptop every day, even when i'm going out i still keep my laptop on n leave my facebook online.. And when i'm home, i always want to see facebook, just to look any updates from my friend, look at the new photo's. It's just interesting and wasting my time.
If i do the calculation of my daily activities at home not including going out, it will be 60% facebook, 20% youtube, 10 % any other website and 10% study! oh my gosh!! i cant do it anymore when my FYP is becoming really worst ever!!
So, i deactivated my FB account and hope it will change everything. Hope i can do my FYP well but my hand is really itchy want to open a new tab in my google chrome and click Facebook. ahhh i have to survive without FB account untill my presentation comes.
So will i get through this?? will i finish my FYP and survive without FB? let's see for the next 8 days. :)
♥our lips must always be sealed
7:52 PM