Saturday, January 16, 2016
I hate myself right now.
I hate myself because I can't accept the truth. I can't accept that people think that I'm indipendent. People think I can do everything on my own and they will risk my feeling instead of other people's feeling. Because they THINK I won't get hurt.
I am so tired.
I need to get some sleep
♥our lips must always be sealed
9:16 PM
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Well, I don't really know how to start :)
I'm at the saloon and thinking that I should start write again! And I don't know where to start. Let's start one by one:
1. Marriage
Since 2013, I am a wife of Mr Ryno Anggoro. Marriage life is not as easy as romance movie I have ever watched. It is never simple. I think the most important thing is to throw away your ego. And again, it is not that easy :)
I break down several times. We fight a lot. Although we have so many reasons to fight, but we have more reasons to make up.
Since my marriage, I never leave town. It makes me stress. I am dying to go on a plane and have a wonderful vacation. But ai can't. I have a great daughter and a cute baby boy. We just can't leave town. We are not that couple who can travel with babies. Maybe we can if only bring 1 baby. But we have two :)
We bought our first house together this year. It is our home. We choose the wall color, we choose the furniture, we designed kid's bed room, we put our kids to bed and then we talk by whispering so we don't wake them up :)
2. Work
Openway is my third office. I got USD for my salary, so yeah I am happy here. It was tough to be an implementation engineer in the middle of smart people, but I survive for 3 years already.. and still counting.
Sometimes I asked questions to myself. Is it worth it having those salaries and leave my kids with their grand parents?
Yeah I don't want to talk about it. Too much pros and cons and fight.
3. Families
This, I am worried.
I feel like I have something that is not settled yet in my heart. Oh yes. That truth that I found out one day before my siraman. I know I need to talk, but no body will understand :)
I just want to focus to give my mom a good live while she can.
----
That is all that I can share right now. I think I need to write again :) my writing skill is getting worse. I can not express my feelings in writings anymore. I need more practice!
Btw today is Thursday and is the last day of 2015. I don't have any resolutions for 2016.
Oh wait.
I need to lose weight.
I need to lose 20kg to my normal weight before my first pregnancy.
Sigh :D
♥our lips must always be sealed
8:11 PM
Friday, August 15, 2014
So since I found out that the test pack showed me two pink lines, which means I am positive pregnant.. I started to look for a doctor.
My late father was an Obgyn.. so I was telling my self that I should be in a good hand
My first searching was to find an ObGyn that wins my father's awards.. Tadjuluddin Awards. But it led me to nothing. Either their hospital is too far from my place or something else.
Long story short... here is lists of doctor that I went to for my pregnancy check up:
1. dr. Onto Wiryo, SpOG.
I was visiting him in RS. MMC Kuningan and RSIA. Asih Panglima Polim.
He's friend of my father and pro normal. Yes I think that is one of the most important thing in finding a doctor in Jakarta, pro normal! So far he is the best! I regularly check up with him and he made me feel that pregnancy is nothing to be afraid of. I was not spoiled at all because he told me that I am pregnant, not sick! So I can do whatever I want :)
2. dr. Irlov, SpOG
3. dr. Sarah, SpOG
♥our lips must always be sealed
5:09 PM
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Last time I wrote in this blog was November 2012. I saw my last post and I said that my relationship with him is complicated!
I bet the old me didn't expect this!
One and half year later, after I wrote all those miserable posts about my relationship... Now, I am married to him already! Whaat?? Yes! Even better, I am 6 months pregnant!
Didn't see this coming? Me too! :)
Guess life is just full of surprises, huh?
Okay, let me share you my wedding picture. Just to prove that I am really married to the guy that makes me wrote all those misery post!
8 September 2013
See? Now I have such a wonderful married life! Never expect I will get married at age 23. Never expect that I will get pregnant right after my marriage. Most importantly.. never expect that I'm gonna marry him! That's just life. I am now living in joy and wait for another big surprise from God. Because I believe, all of HIS plans are better than mine!
♥our lips must always be sealed
1:45 PM
Monday, November 12, 2012
Yes it's been a long time. Everything's changed now.
I'm perfectly happy with everything I have now. I'm grateful for this life I'm having.
I'm working in OpenWay now, as a Junior Implementation Consultant. Now I'm working in Sentral Senayan Buliding 6th floor. Pretty good office environment here. I get to meet all of these great people!
I have him but still complicated. I always think that I deserve to be someone's first. Or at least, I deserve to be the one. I want to be someone's first, I don't want to live in the shadow. That I fear.
My life, happier but more complex than ever.
People say, the more you get, the more responsibility you will face. That's true.
I want to be happy. That's all.
I deserve to be happy, don't I?
♥our lips must always be sealed
9:18 AM
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
And again, I don't know for how many times that I have to leave my comfort zone.
Believe me, leaving your comfort zone is not easy. I think I already discussed about this in my old post.
If you ever leave your comfort zone, you really are a brave person and I'm gonna give you two thumbs up! Lol that's it, yes only thumbs up :D But seriously, it really is a big move if you ever did it.
And hey, have you ever giving up on something that's so important to your life? Because I'm about to. Or perhaps I'm gonna say that I'm in the progress of giving it up, to let it go. As much as I love it (okay, I know everyone realize now that I'm talking about one particular person here) but I have to let it go. Okay, yes.. I'm gonna let him go.
Hmm and this case is very different with the previous one.
Now I'm not giving up because I don't have any feelings for him anymore, it's vice versa. I still have feelings for him.. too much feeling for him if I must to admit, but thing's just not working out between us. Ehmmm.. noooo.. nooo.. actually, thing's really working well between us. We're a great friend, we're a great partner, we make a really great couple but there's things that I couldn't explain between those great things. Things that can't be shared, things that can't be told. Things that I really regret. I deplore why this thing has to happen between us. Why is it so hard to work things out. This small thing become too big. I fight for this but I can't fight all by my self, right? I still really wish we can work this out, someday. But if not, yeahh maybe God drew us different path.
People say, I deserve so much better than him.
But I think He does deserve me.
Fuck what people say.
Back to the comfort zone topic.
Hahahaha what did I tell you? That story I wrote above, almost open up every secret of mine. It's private and I shouldn't have written it in here. But I did it and it was nothing, so just let it be. For you guys who read this, I know you know who or what I'm talking about. But sssttt just keep it between you and this blog, okay :)
Hey.. comfort zone! I'm gonna leave ALL OF THIS soon enough. Soon enough for me to miss him, to miss them, to miss this laptop, to miss this environment.
I'm gonna be a fresh one. I'm gonna make it up to my self. I'm gonna be a better person and be more careful with everything. I'm gonna be an important person. Important enough to attend the meeting, important enough to be anywhere, important enough to be missed when I'm not around :')
♥our lips must always be sealed
6:10 PM
Friday, April 20, 2012
WAKE UP, WAKE UP
by rumi
this night is gone
wake up
abandon abandon
even your dear self
abandon
there is an idiot
in our market place
selling a precious soul
if you doubt my world
get up this moment
and head for the market now
don't listen to trickery
don't listen to the witches
don't wash blood with blood
first turn yourself upside down
empty yourself like a cup of wine
then fill to the brim with the essence
a voice is descending
from heavens
a healer is coming
if you desire healing
let yourself fall ill
let yourself fall ill
♥our lips must always be sealed
12:51 PM
